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A Poem: The Darkness

As I stare into the darkness it seems to swallow me up

Where is the light?

Over a decade of numbing the pain so afraid to feel, to deal with the realness of my earthly experience.

I put up the exterior of an armadillo and like one inside I am soft.

My fear so encompassing, it is almost tangible

It threatens my life as I gasp for air through its clutches squeezing my throat as its feet are firmly planted on my chest.

Like Paul, I do what I hate because they are thorns in my flesh.

Digging so deep drawing blood threatening my eternity

I find myself in a mess time after time

Calling on the Lord, just to run back to the chains He freed me from.

A strange comfort they were, a familiarity I had come accustomed to

Seems like the wisdom I posses is in vain because I fail to use it in my most treacherous times

This darkness I am running from, I am running straight into.

Circles I run, Circles I walk, Circles I crawl

The darkness has brought me to my knees.

Searching for the light, searching for that straight narrow path where darkness isn't allowed and I can breathe.

Am I so lost that there is no hope for me?

Am I so broken that there is no chance of being mended?

I want to breathe without the restraint of my sins choking my truth.

I want to walk in the peace I vaguely remember from my youth.

Tell me Lord, where do I go from here?

How do I receive the promises left by your Son

To walk in the victory You have already won

The light of You is what I need

The warmth of Your breath to wash over me

Darkness and light cannot reside in the same space

So pierce the darkness with the light of You

Don't want to be like the walking dead

They know nothing of Your glory

Too afraid to tell their stories

The light is calling me

But the darkness calls me too

Lord show me and tell me what shall I do?

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