As I stare into the darkness, it seems to swallow me up
Where is the light?
Over a decade of numbing the pain so afraid to feel, dealing with my earthly experience's realness.
I put up the exterior of an armadillo, and like one inside, I am soft.
My fear is so encompassing that it is almost tangible.
It threatens my life as I gasp for air through its clutches, squeezing my throat as its feet are firmly planted on my chest.
Like Paul, I do what I hate because they are thorns in my flesh.
Digging so deep, drawing blood threatening my eternity
I find myself in a mess time after time
Calling on the Lord just to run back to the chains He freed me from.
A strange comfort they were, a familiarity I had come accustomed to
Seems like the wisdom I possess is in vain because I fail to use it in my most treacherous times
This darkness I am running from, I am running straight into.
Circles I run, Circles I walk, Circles I crawl
The darkness has brought me to my knees.
Searching for the light, searching for that straight narrow path where darkness isn't allowed, and I can breathe.
Am I so lost that there is no hope for me?
Am I so broken that there is no chance of being mended?
I want to breathe without the restraint of my sins choking my truth.
I want to walk in the peace I vaguely remember from my youth.
Tell me, Lord, where do I go from here?
How do I receive the promises left by your Son
To walk in the victory, You have already won
The light of You is what I need
The warmth of Your breath to wash over me
Darkness and light cannot reside in the same space
So pierce the darkness with the light of You
Don't want to be like the walking dead
They know nothing of Your glory
Too afraid to tell their stories
The light is calling me
But the darkness calls me too
Lord, show me and tell me what shall I do?