Nowadays when I think of my grandma a lot of emotions swirl around inside my mind. My grandma was one in a billion. She had the most gentle spirit. She was kind, loving, giving and truly a servant of the Lord. The admiration and respect I have for her has grown even stronger after her death. The pain of losing her is unlike any pain I have ever experienced before. I even find this difficult to write without balling my eyes out. My beautiful grandmother died from pancreatic cancer January 11, 2020. I remember the day I found out she had cancer. I didn't cry because deep down I knew it was cancer whenever I was told she had a mass on her pancreas. I felt hopeful because it was caught early. Oh, but the Lord had other plans. Surgery wasn't an option because the mass was sitting on important blood vessels. She tried two rounds of chemotherapy, but it made her so sick that she went into delirium. She then decided that she didn't want to endure anymore chemo and because of that radiation wasn't an option either. I knew that the decision she made would result in her death. As much as I tried to prepare myself I was in NO WAY prepared to lose her the actual day she died. I remember telling her that when she was ready and the Lord called her home, to go. She lived the life that the Lord wanted her to live. She was in so much pain and to be honest I questioned the Lord. I asked Him why did she have to suffer because she didn't deserve it. However, the word of God says that we all have to partake in Jesus' suffering. She showed me how to leave this world with grace and dignity. She NEVER uttered one complaint. She used to sing I won't complain all the time and she stayed true to those melodious words. She was my closest friend. She always had a prayer for me and encouraging words. If you ask my opinion she was the closest thing to perfection on this earth while still being imperfect. From the time I was a child, up until her death after I was an adult; she ALWAYS pointed me in the direction of God. She used to tell me "Tabria, you are different than everyone else. God has His hand over your life and you can't do what everyone else does and get away with it." So true were those words she spoke. I can't even begin to explain how much she meant to me and how much I love her. She really poured all of who she was into me and she taught me some valuable lessons I will never forget. Whether I wanted to hear it or not she always told me the truth and she prayed for me constantly. If everyone had a person like her in their lives this world would be a better place. I had many moments of distress and she was always there to listen and tell me what thus said the Lord. It didn't matter the time of day or night, her door was always open and her phone line was always available. This sounds selfish, but I didn't like to share her with others. She was just that special to me. I can still hear her footsteps, see her praising God and ministering the word to God's own. She always had her heart, mind, body, soul and spirit focused on the Kingdom of God. I will forever be grateful for who you were to me Grannies. You left a legacy for your descendants to follow and remember and I don't think you even realized you did. Thank you for showing me the Lord. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for not giving up on me and thank you for always being there. You saw the real me even when I was scared to show the real me. Thank you for loving me with the love of Christ and I hope to make it where you are and recognize your spirit. I know you have your heavenly crown and God has said well done My good and faithful servant. You are home.