It is important to allow God to pick your spouse and don't be like me and pick for yourself. More often than not we choose wrong. I didn't consult God before I got married. I was leaning and depending on Tabria and not the leading of the Holy Spirit. My wedding day didn't turn out how I wanted and I wasn't even happy that day, but I went through with it. I missed all of the signs.
Now that I think back about it, God was basically yelling at me and I was spiritually deaf. That's a Word on its own, but the point I am trying to make is before you get married make sure you consult the Lord. Matter of fact before you even become friends with the person you should ask God if that friendship/relationship is His will for your life. His seal of approval is one of the building blocks to the foundation on which to build upon. Trying to ask God to bless something He didn't intend for you to have is treating God like an afterthought when He should've been the first thought.
The key to a successful marriage is letting God do the work in you first and then letting Him choose for you. Otherwise you would be like me...learning a lesson. In this season of separation, I have struggled greatly. Struggled with letting go of what was and accepting that for once in my life I have to solely depend on the Lord. He has shown me the type of wife that I was and how I wasn't the type of wife that I should've been. I had no choice but to repent for the things that I have done that weren't pleasing to God or conducive to my growth as a Christian. I didn't always display the fruits of the Spirit and show love like Christ did. I was really feeling discouraged about my actions, but it took my aunt to help me truly see that I have some of the qualities and the makings to be a great wife because I did pour into my ex husband like a wife would. I realize that the root of my errors stemmed from unhealed trauma and my emotions clouded my judgment in decision making.
Pastor Jerry Flowers from Redefined TV on YouTube said whatever you don't deal with before you get married you will take into your marriage and it will become magnified. Well, he told no lies because I have lived it. I didn't know who I was or what my purpose was before I got married. I also didn't take the time to heal from childhood trauma. I took all of that baggage into my marriage and I unknowingly placed the burden of helping me unpack on my husband.
I have since learned that my unresolved trauma is for the Lord to help me deal with. I have also learned that because I serve a God that is intentional and that does things on purpose, I too have to be intentional and purposeful in my decision making. I have to seek Him first for His answer before deciding. When the time comes I have learned to ask the questions will this marriage build the Kingdom of God and are we both walking in His calling for our lives? Are we suitable for one another and do we have suitable assignments that build His Kingdom? Marriage is about purpose that ultimately brings glory to God. I am grateful that I am learning this information now so that moving forward I can make choices wisely.
I refuse to bash my ex husband because this isn't the platform for that. This is about my relationship with God and my shortcomings in all of my relationships, not just my marriage. He isn't concerned about what was because He knows it will work together for my good.(Romans 8:28) God is more concerned with what is and who He is creating me to be now. To be continued...